


you can't fight the friction (so ease it off)

by Princex_N



Series: making strange with one another [4]
Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Everybody Lives, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Paranoia, Physical Disability, Post-Canon, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:07:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23775061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princex_N/pseuds/Princex_N
Summary: Brian is very well aware of the fact that Jay is unspeakably uncomfortable around him.
Relationships: Jay Merrick & Brian Thomas
Series: making strange with one another [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1711201
Comments: 5
Kudos: 33





	you can't fight the friction (so ease it off)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The_Secret_Life_Of_Tea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Secret_Life_Of_Tea/gifts).



> title from [imagine dragon's 'friction'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0aoh363PI4)
> 
> Emmett was right when he said that we're taking turns with this brain cell; it's great

Brian is not oblivious to social cues or other people's emotions, he actually considers himself relatively adept at reading them at this point. 

So he's very well aware of the fact that Jay is unspeakably uncomfortable around him. 

Frankly, it's nothing Brian wants to deal with. There's enough on his plate just trying to keep from picking fights with Tim and Alex, because Brian is nothing if not intimately aware of the fact that the current state of his body means that he's entirely reliant on their guilt or kindness for almost everything. The wrong barb or mistimed insult could easily mean starving, being unable to bathe, or worse (he wouldn't even put it past Alex to try smothering him - it's not exactly like he can fight back). He's not exactly opposed to Tim's little reconciliation plan - he'd been especially willing to go along with it when it had meant getting out of that hospital - but he won't lie and say he's not half out of his mind with suspicion and lingering anger. 

That leaves Jay, because Brian doesn't _dislike_ Jay, and never has. Frankly, he's been the one out of this whole entourage that Brian might actually trust the most - even if it's only because Jay is the naive kind of dumb that meant broadcasting almost every move he made on social media. That said, Brian's also never been particularly invested in making sure that the two of them got along either (though sometimes he can't see where the miscommunications occurred - Brian gave Jay warnings, and clues, and his camera back. How clearer could he have been that his problem was never with Jay?), and it hasn't changed much with their new circumstances.

But he's the one Brian is stuck here with most days. Tim and Alex are both out working or looking for jobs, and Jay's newfound tendency towards recurring panic attacks out in public meant that he pulled the short straw and gets to stay home looking after Brian all day. 

(Brian hates it. He hadn't exactly been taking care of himself in recent years, but he _could_ _have_ been if there hadn't been other priorities at the time, and now everything is too much for him to manage. Lightning pain in broken bones, brain damage making it hard to think and leaving him with eyes that don't quite focus anymore, weak and unstable legs. He can't do _anything_ without help, and they say he'll improve with time, but Brian hasn't trusted any of these people in years and he trusts strangers even less. If Brian ever knew how to depend on other people, he doesn't know how to now, and he'd snarl and spit at them for trying if only he could trust them to come back and help him off the floor despite their wariness or hurt feelings.) 

Jay does it, and does a decent job despite the fact that he's as broad as a twig and about as sturdy. It's still obvious how uncomfortable he is - humming anxiously every time he has to get close, flinching away from every move Brian makes despite the fact that Brian can't stand on his own two feet anymore, refusing to look at him any longer than strictly necessary.

Brian spends most of his time on the mattress Tim bought to put in the living room (easy access to the bathroom and kitchen, Tim had claimed, but Brian's not oblivious to the fact that none of them trust each other well enough to let anyone out of their lines of sight). The couch is left empty, but Jay spends most of his time crouched on the uncomfortable stools at the bar - close enough to hear Brian if something went wrong, but no closer. Brian can feel Jay watching him, and even though it's ridiculous to the point of mockery (where, pray tell, is Brian going to go?), it's unnerving as all hell and Brian hates it (he'd tell him that too, but Tim will get pissed if Brian starts to give Jay panic attacks inside of the apartment, and Brian can go a long time without eating, but he'd still rather not starve). 

It is, to put it in plain and unassuming terms, uncomfortable. Brian hates it almost as much as he hates everything else these days, and if Tim's big coping clan plan is the goal, they're not exactly on track towards success. 

(Not to mention, _shouldn't_ Brian be looking for allies? Tim clearly gets along best with Jay, and if Brian can get Jay firmly on his side, won't Tim follow suite? Brian could rely on his friend once, but he's not sure about Tim anymore, and isn't sure if they'd be able to emerge if he needed them. Brian is sick of feeling angry to the point of nausea and unable to do anything about it because he's too busy walking on the tightrope of trying not to piss off the people he's wholly dependent on - if he creates positive interactions, won't that make it harder for them to leave him for dead?)

(Plus, although Brian won't admit to this, he has not forgotten college and how well he and Jay got along, and how nice that had been. Brian's not anywhere near the person he was in college - he's not even sure he's a person anymore - and neither is Jay, but the possibility prods at pieces of Brian's brain he hadn't known he'd had anymore. Maybe they had broken open along with his bones.) 

He's obviously going to have to be the one to bridge this gap, because Jay could not possibly communicate his reluctance or refusal to do it any clearer. The only problem with this is that Brian doesn't remember how to communicate like a normal human being, if he'd ever actually known in the first place. 

Jay hadn't liked the codes and the videos, clearly. Brian thought they worked; colors and numbers and recycled footage felt safer than saying anything outright - not when there was so much that couldn't be trusted. But those won't work anymore, because Brian can't get up to film or edit anymore (doesn't even have his camera, with tapes of rain and creeks and water that he could watch when the waiting got too tedious or the anxiety got too strong. _Jay_ still has a camera, Brian can't help but think a little sullenly), and because Jay thought they were unnerving for whatever reason. 

He doesn't know how to do it right anymore, and it's probably not just the brain injury causing the confusion. It's possible that trying will only mess things up worse, but Brian has never been one to curb his impulses, and he might as well jump in with both feet. 

"Jay," he calls, and tries not to feel strange about the words on his tongue ( _'You're going to have to use your words'_ , Tim had said, and he probably said it kindly but all Brian heard was the imperious tone of someone who thought they were better than you. His other half had understood, but Brian won't share that with him; quiet noises and signed languages and understanding that ran both ways, _they_ knew that words didn't always work well or right or safe. Brian won't say he misses them, especially not to Tim - who's still trying hard to kill them). He doesn't usually ask for things, doesn't bother, just waits around for them to remember him, like a dog they need to feed or take out. The dehumanization would bother him if he wasn't so used to doing it to himself. 

Brian hears something clatter in the kitchen, and wonders what Jay dropped, but doesn't bother to ask. Part of him wonders if Jay is even going to come - Brian makes an effort to communicate in a way the others want from him and he still fucks it up. It wouldn't exactly be surprising. 

But Jay does emerge, hands wringing tense and leaning around the wall anxiously, like he's worried Brian's going to jump out at him or something (maybe Brian should feel flattered, that Jay still clearly believes him so much more capable than he actually is). 

"Yeah?" he asks, and Brian wonders if he's sure he actually wants to try this right before he makes himself do it anyway. 

"Talk to me about cameras," he says, knowing his tone comes out too flat and knowing that he's probably pushing his luck. Cameras are strange, leaning too far into the dense fog of trauma and paranoia to be comfortable, but they're also what make Jay feel safe. Snarling fear in a desperate "leave my camera, I _need_ it" and neurotically reviewed footage to quell the panic. Hopefully that's enough to counter whatever Jay thinks about Brian's footage of him, even though Jay probably got far more footage of Brian than the other way around. 

Jay is looking at him without speaking, and the expression on his face practically screams suspicion. Surprisingly enough, it's not the usual look like he's afraid that Brian will take advantage and get the upper hand somehow, it's more like...

"We never made fun of each other in college," Brian rasps, and Jay pulls a face that makes Brian wonder if he's also spent time thinking about that lately. 

"I know," Jay says, almost defensively, but he still steps closer, perching stiffly on the corner of the couch furthest from the mattress. After a moment of anxiously twisting the strings in his hoodie, he starts to talk about different kinds of lenses, face turned away into the opposite corner and hands a blur of nervous motion. 

Brian listens and doesn't speak, lets the words wash over him and tries to lay still without hurting himself. He falls asleep after a while of listening to Jay speak about color correction and auto-focus (it's not like anyone can blame him - a heavy combination of medications and the general exhaustion of being in pain all the time doesn't exactly make consciousness easy), but when he wakes up, Jay is still on the couch, reading a book while someone (probably Tim) bustles around in the kitchen. He tenses slightly when he realizes Brian is awake, but doesn't bolt. 

Brian decides to count it as a win, regardless of how small it feels. 

(Maybe this could work out after all)

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not writing these in any particular order but i will probably rearrange the series itself into some semblance of a timeline as needed - this one is pretty obviously early days 
> 
> there are a couple of references to the college backstory i used in my fic ['i think this year i'm gonna be mean'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23487508) \- it's a completely different AU, but check it out if you're interested!! 
> 
> [my tumblr](http://www.princex-n.tumblr.com)


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